I am reading Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk. From the first page on, my heart felt connected.
Gentle goosebumps started and stayed for the time I’ve read his book.
What suddenly attracts me to MJ? His heart for sure. The gifts he gave and how he allowed source to express itself through him. I resonate deeply with this. He reflects sides of myself that want to live more… impacting others and uplifting “the room” by showing people how powerful they really are. The time of gurus is over. I love Tony Robbins for that: “I am not your guru!”. Aho!
I love the stage. It’s funny because I have this introverted, very private side AND I love facilitating groups and public speaking. The energy, the presence and the impact… all of it.
MJ’s kindness and softness call this part in me forward too. Also, his strength and health challenges and the way he danced and just “did it” even if the world looked like it turns against him. He embodies trust and dedication for me.
It feels great to have a role model. I haven’t had one for a long time. It’s not about idealizing him. His humanness and hurt and loneliness is just as touching as the “King of Pop”.
It’s scorpion full moon today. I feel it. Peggy wants to go deep, to turn inwards.
I sense how much I am still missing this “inner time”.
My heart and soul want to share, to connect worlds. We want to inspire and help others to connect with their vastness of resources (that all come from within) and are far beyond the physical.
Yet, there is discernment needed from me: Social media stuff depletes me. It’s “short-lived” AND it is a powerful way to inspire and share.
I really like selling courses and products because people pay more attention when they’ve invested their resources in something. Being an inspiration and resource of hope for others is a gift I can’t appreciate enough. My heart rejoices and I feel alive.
My thoughts are moving quickly from one topic to another today.
In the last days (weeks?) I haven’t eaten home a lot. Rarely cook for me and mostly ate snacks at the Waterman café while working on the biz or went to my vegan friends for rather rich/heavy meals.
I enjoy indulging, to feel that my body can “handle it”. Too feel when it’s too much and sense it in my body. It’s fun to eat out and just join in, going with the flow like yesterday when a friend brought popcorn over for our movie night and I just went with it.
It seems like the ocean baths are compensating a lot for my “naughty” food choices lately.
Today’s the first day where I am staying at home… Eating clean, making Peggy-body-friendly food, going veggie-shopping and taking time to prepare stuff.
I am glimpsing (from the future?!) how it feels like to live every moment, every day to the fullest. These words don’t mean anything. It’s the FEELING that hocks me.
It’s this trust in life that I am safe. That I can allow myself again to play, to explore, to be boundless and wild. That’s medicine in itself. It nourishes my body with subtle energy… life energy. I’ve been so focused on making the business work and getting out of the “hamster wheel” of working for money… that the playful, adventurous Peggy wants more time now.
The more I am connected with my soul, with my essence, with the gift of life….
The more impact anything I share will have. It’s magic. Energy travels. Nobody else can live this life to the fullest besides me. I feel it now. I feel this longing to just be. TO BE HERE AND NOW.
Giving myself time to think and to listen within without needing to produce or achieve anything is a great luxury I can give myself now. I might gain fewer followers, subscribers and sell less BUT I gain myself!
I am an educator. And I teach by living the example. My first priority is …..?
Feeling connected to life, all that is, my soul, this planet, and beyond.
If it’s not fun, it’s not worth it.
Fun has many facets for me. I feel the urge to explain what “fun” means for me. This urge comes from wanting to avoid being misunderstood. Michael Jackson was misunderstood most of his life…
I choose not to “explain” myself today. Who knows if anybody is reading this… LOL
The magic is in between the words. It’s all energy. The more I discover my heart, the more I understand.
There’s no real “truth”. It’s about perspective. If I can sense how my neighbor (who decides to leave the outdoor light on all night) experiences the world, his decision will make total sense to me. Even the mass murderer has the truth. Acting from fear is a decision like acting from trust, joy, or love. Both are valid decisions.
My heart wants me to not give in to having opinions. It just wants to love and be here and experience the diversity of life. There seems to be a difference between OPINIONS and PREFERENCES. Forming and sharing an opinion cuts me off a little from my heart. It’s subtly painful.
Noticing and sharing my preference, however (e.g. I prefer to sleep without artificial lights) feels different. It’s an “I statement”. It doesn’t make the other one “wrong” or defensive.
Preferences allow diversity and collaboration. That’s something I loved about living in Findhorn: allowing diversity and listening from the heart to understand the other.
People who commit murder or harm themselves, animals, or nature… what we see is the trauma they create “outside”. What we don’t see is how much they suffer inside. In order to act violently, I have to hurt myself first. I need to feel so unworthy, so hurt, and disconnected from myself to be able to cause harm outside.
I feel prisons (very much like hospitals) are one of the strangest things we created in this world. Putting all “sick people” together is not going to help them or anyone. How can a cancer patient heal if they are surrounded by other cancer patients, white walls, and a sterile environment? I prefer cemeteries to hospitals a thousand times.
We believe in punishment (prison), in justice, and vaccines to protect ourselves. This seems so strange for me. I understand that these manifestations in our world are a symptom. Just like health issues are a symptom.
They aren’t wrong or bad. I believed they were… not anymore.
They are valid symptoms. A representation of what we are believing to be true on a collective level. It’s not just one single belief, it’s a variety that gives the foundation to establishing things like prisons, hospitals or vaccines. (I honestly don’t know why I’ve picked these three in particular LOL)
My biggest learning and something that I want to remember every day are that:
It’s ok to have preferences. They are part of what makes up “Peggy”, a unique color from the rainbow of consciousness.
Whenever I see something that is NOT my preference, I can choose to allow it to be there. I can remind myself that all expressions of life are valid. Even the ones that seem violent, absurd, or strange to me. My power lies in finding a neutral or even creative, inspired response to whatever enters my reality.
I feel an urge to become more, to grow more, to share more, to give more. It’s this urge that doesn’t want me to go to bed. It makes itself important. I am not sure how important it really is to follow it.
Gosh, I am wondering if anybody reads this. It seems more like a service to myself to write these journal entries. It’s not a Youtube video. I don’t perform here or need to structure anything. This would contradict its purpose: to allow my thought to flow and listen to what emerges.
Hi Peggy – I am relating to your mind stream about not wanting to be misunderstand – this is a dilemma in life, that is for sure! Unless you mold yourself with social “mainstream” behavior to create a sense of acceptance and protection for yourself, often times you feel on the outside… and while the social groups are laughing and look like they are living life to the fullest, it can cause personal inner reflection that distracts one from appreciating the things in life that make you happy. I look at the amazing human beings who were born with a light that they shared with the world through their gifts because it made them happy and it was certainly their true path in life – I guess you could say they were/are connected to their inner source – like Michael Jackson, Freddy Mercury or Elton John – there is a sadness that also surrounded their lives. People accepted their gifts but not always them as individuals. And they gave and gave and gave, and people took and took these beautiful gifts and did not cherish their inner beauty as individuals… this is a battle we all struggle with, but these talented and gifted individuals did it in a very public space and were unable to escape the scrutiny, making healing nearly impossible resulting in numbing self-medication practices. I know this may sound silly, but the most beautiful and sad movie moment I like to share comes from the movie Trolls! If you haven’t seen it, you must watch it. Every time it comes to the part where the trolls get trapped in the cooking pan (this sounds even sillier now!), all the color drains out of the main character, Poppy’s, life force and she turns gray. No matter how many times I watch this I cry because it reminds me of the transition from childhood (childhood ends at different ages for all people) to adulthood and how in our current constructed society this is exactly what it does to all of us – it drains our colors and we go gray – through trauma that results from judgement, abuse, non-acceptance, being misunderstood, overwhelming responsibilities that leave us busy doing all the things we “have” to do and few of the things we “want” to do. During this moving scene in Trolls, the song “True Colors” is sung, and the words during this moment will bring you to tears when you think of all the colors you have lost in your life, and the idea that someone will accept your “true colors” no matter who you are – because we all have so much beauty inside, no matter how “socially” adept we are. I also cried for Freddy Mercury after watching the “Queen” movie.. he seemed to have everything… but he was so lonely. He was “used” (so to speak) by the people around him to push those “social” mainstream groups that longed for social acceptance and protection… and his inner beauty was discarded by most. I often cry for humanity and the pain they are experiencing… interestingly, if you can feel the energy of the earth itself, you can also cry for the earth – it is busy creating beauty for all of us – but we just take and take and take, and disregard the love and energy it never seizes to provide us… one day it might turn grey too. Anyway, this is a very long diatribe, but I had to share it with someone who I feel understands what I’m saying 🙂 Much love to you, and everything you stand for.
Thank you for sharing, Jeanette